Seriously, Tourists

I hope I don't come across as insensitive, but I work in the airport now, and between that and living in a tourism-heavy area, I see my fair share of tourists, mostly American. I've always thought, and now, see that it is usually much better and makes things easier to assimilate with the culture and scenery in which you are traveling, rather than stick out like a sore thumb. With that in mind, I wanted to share a few tips for my fellow countrymen in how to better blend in.

1. When traveling to Ireland, it is obvious you're a tourist if you wear every piece of green you own with the novelty "The leprechauns made me drink it!" t-shirt you bought at Target last St. Patrick's Day. You're in Ireland, now, you see? We get it!

2. Those passport pouches worn around the neck. The horrible fanny pack (and by the way, if you must, call it a bum bag over in Ireland/UK or you'll be getting strange looks - "fanny" is slang for a part of the female anatomy!!!). They may be convenient, but I think it screams "I'm a tourist!!! I probably have my passport, a credit card or two and about $2000 in traveler's checks in here!!! Please rob me!!!" If you must, wear the passport pouch inside your shirt or jacket. I think that's it's intended purpose, anyway.

3. I realize that white socks are a staple of American athletic fashion, but in Europe, they're just plain tacky. If you are wearing shorts and playing basketball, okay. If you are wearing dress pants and loafers, go ahead and hang your head.

4. Baseball hats are fine if you're outside, otherwise, they're tacky and inappropriate. Seriously.

5. If you begin sentences with "Well, in the US, we do...." you're not going to get better service. You're in a foreign country. It's different. That's part of the experience, so embrace it!

6. There's no Splenda in Europe.

7. At the risk of offending, the upcoming election is a hot topic here, too. Try to avoid talking about it if possible. And, if for some strange reason you ever voted for a Bush, do not tell anyone - they'll think you're psychotic.

That pretty well sums it up. Please know that Americans still have a reputation for being some of, if not the most polite tourists, despite these petty embarassments, which is something to be proud of.